"The Bush"

I tried to decide what story was spectacular enough to be the inaugural story featured on our blog. But sometimes you don't pick the story, the story picks you. To our gentle readers, if you are of delicate sensibilities, please come back another time. However, if you are made of sterner stuff, read on and be glad it wasn't you.

So Pam calls me yesterday and says "Hold on a minute, I want Luke to hear this story at the same time". You know when someone wants to tell their story to their sister and their spouse at the same time it can be one of two things. It's either so good that you want to share it with everyone at the same time, or it's so bad that you only want to tell the story once. Well, it wasn't good.

Pam and her kids were playing outside for several hours yesterday with her neighbor's kids. Her neighbor noticed some strange activity behind a nearby bush and asked Pam, "Is that Mark? What's he doing?". Pam investigates and it is Mark, behind a bush with his pants and underwear pulled down. Taking a poop. OMG! This bush is literally less than 10 feet from her back door. So Pam hauls him inside to clean up and take a shower. The clean up process takes way longer than usual because Mark is yelling and being contrary. Pam ends up taking his Nintendo and several other privileges away during this lovely episode.

45 minutes later, Pam is back outside to get Rachel in and supervise the clean up process. Rachel asks "Why is Mark in trouble?". Pam replies "Do you REALLY want to know?" Of course, she wants to know. So Pam tells her Mark is in trouble for taking a poop behind a bush. To which Rachel replies "The Pee and Poop Bush?" WHAT?!?!?!?! You've got to be kidding right? Turns out, all 5 of the neighborhood kids have been using this self-same bush to take a pee or a poop all afternoon. Don't even ask what they used for toilet paper. Because you know the answer. And it gets worse. They've been crawling around this same bush on hands and knees while they were playing. EEEUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!

So Pam had to rescind her punishment for Mark since all 5 kids were guilty of the same crime. Which begs the question, what is a fit punishment for so heinous an activity? Taking away Nintendo privileges just doesn't seem appropriate.

Moral of the story: Find out if you have a pee and poop bush. If you don't, Pam may be willing to send you hers.