"The Imaginary Dog"

We are cat people. Everyone has heard the stories about our 3 cats. We love them anyway. They are there for us to love on when we are having a bad day or are awake at 3AM. They are part of the kids' responsibility when it comes to allowance time. We have been with cats so long now, it's hard to imagine a house that doesn't reek of cat box and have strategically placed "bombs" all over the house. But we can dream.

And lately, we've been dreaming about dogs. We just seem to be in places recently that have a lot of dogs. Like the vet's office and PetSmart. There's also the dog park right outside of where the kid's take violin lessons. We all love animals and like looking at the wide variety of dogs we encounter. But this leads to the inevitable, "Mom, can we have a dog?" question.

Can we have a dog? Really? I have never had a dog, and Luke grew up in a house that always had at least one. His experience with pets is definitely different than mine. So, I actually think sometimes, could we have a dog? We are responsible cat owners. We are at home during the day. It seems there are willing little people in the house that would feed and walk it. So occasionally, I fantasize about having a dog.

My imaginary dog is just the right size. I'm not sure what size exactly that is, but it's just right. When we are at the dog park we all pick different breeds and can never agree on which one we like. I'd like to think we would have a big dog because little ones tend to be yappy, but our house just doesn't scream 'big dog'.

My imaginary dog is well behaved, can do tricks, and knows just how to act in any situation. And the cool thing about this, is no one had to teach him. He just kind of came that way. He came house-trained and gets along with the cats, no problem. He likes all of us equally, and doesn't jump on the furniture. He is content to sit on the porch and watch the bird-feeder in the back yard while we do school. He's happy to run around with the kids when they go in the back yard to play, and he miraculously goes potty so that the 'dog bombs' end up in some alternate universe.

My imaginary dog doesn't cost a lot of money. He was free when we adopted him. He's not on medications or a special diet food. He just has his yearly check-up, and that's it for vet trips. He doesn't eat things he's not supposed to, or get sick. He doesn't eat the cat's food, either. He realizes that would cost us too much money. Very considerate of him, huh?

My imaginary dog doesn't bark when he's supposed to be quiet. He doesn't jump on company. He doesn't slobber or put his nose in people's crotches. He only eats and drinks out of his food bowls unless he's invited to help us clean up the floor. He is clean all the time. It's a cool trick he picked up from the cats. His breath does not smell like death, but minty clean toothpaste. He has a ball cap that he likes to wear, at a jaunty angle, as well.

My imaginary dog doesn't need to be walked in the middle of a hurricane. He doesn't beg to go outside 500 times a day. He doesn't do his 'duty' on my kitchen floor. He doesn't eat my favorite flip flops or leave cool 'presents' by the front door. He doesn't jump up on the counter and steal the ham sitting there. He doesn't eat paper products or my candy stash. He doesn't chase the cat or try to run out in the road. Other dogs I've known have done these things, but not my imaginary dog.

Now, you dog lovers out there are thinking, "What, are you crazy? Of course your dog is going to do all these things!" This is why my dog will stay right where he belongs, in my imagination.

Moral of the story: Sometimes ideas should not become reality. This is one of these times, and aren't we all glad I realize this!