"Whatever"

It's just one word, but it has so many meanings. I realized this the other day when I was 'whatever-ed' by my son. It is all in the inflection. And for those of you that can't decipher these clues very well, I decided to help you out.

What-ever. This is the two syllable drawn out version of the word. It's usually your kids using this in response to some question you have asked or statement you have made that they think is ridiculous. For instance, you may say to them, "You realize you need to finish your homework before you play that video game, right?" Or you may say to your daughter, "I'm not sure that outfit matches as well as you think it does." To both of these you will get the two-word what-ever response. And in case you haven't figured it out yet, they should be sent to their rooms for it.

Whatever. This is said in an off-hand, very quick manner. It is used to indicate no preference whatsoever. I find it is usually women that use this response to questions. For example, "Honey, do you want Chinese or Mexican takeout tonight?" Or another popular one, "Should I hang the picture here, or 3 millimeters to the right?" These both require a response, but you really don't care one way or the other. Generally, when you give this response, you will be grilled for five minutes by your husband, looking for the true meaning of this word. Really, honey, I actually DON'T care.

Whatever (Laughing sarcasm). This response can be used by either you, or your spouse. It is usually employed when something unrealistic comes up. For example, your husband is people watching at the mall and sees a size 0 walk by. He says to you, 'Honey, you'd look great in something like that.' He's serious, and you respond with the requisite, 'Whatever!' Usually there are snorts of derision that accompany this as well. Your husband may employ this response as well. This response is usually what follows the wife saying, "Well, we'd save some money if you built some shelves in the study." Or another popular, "I don't think it would take that long for you to change the oil in the car yourself." These are all met with a merry, 'whatever' from your husband as he heads out for a beer. I mean really, what were you thinking?

Whatever (through gritted teeth). This one isn't fun. It is usually employed during an 'active discussion' between you and your spouse. You have stated your case, and he has stated his. Obviously each of you think the other is a moron. Usually you are both right. Toward the end when you both realize that neither one is going to give in, you employ the gritted, 'whatever' and leave. It's the verbal version of 'folding' in poker. You really don't think you can win, but you have to say something to indicate that your withdrawal does NOT mean you are giving in. It just means you're done. I don't recommend using this one too often.

So, there are a few of my helpful semantic hints. I'm sure there are other versions of this word around. Try some out and let me know how it goes.

Moral of the story: Mark got in trouble for 'whatever-ing' me.